Look ma, I made it! It’s been 5 years of marriage! And I’d say it’s been about 97.863% wedded bliss. Which, in my opinion, is amazingly awesome! And anyone who knows me knows that I’m only joking. It’s been 100% bliss for me. You might get a different percentage from my wife. You have to take into consideration that she’s had to put up for me for the past five years! I hope she’s learned a few things to help her get through the next five, and the next five after that. Because she’s stuck with me!
November of 2021 marked 5 years of marriage on the calendar. That’s 5 years that I’ve been married to one of this world’s most amazing women God ever created. She’s the love of my life, my best friend, my cheerleader, my doctor (It’s her profession), and my Spottieottiedopaliscious angel. I can honestly say that things have steadily been getting better from day one. Sometimes things felt like it was slowing down to a trickle. Other times it felt as if we were caught up in a love tsunami. Overall, it’s been a great ride and I’m excited to see what the next five years have in store for us!
“She’s the love of my life, my best friend, my cheerleader, my doctor, and my Spottieottiedopaliscious angel”
I would love to say the road has been smooth this entire time. We have hit a few bumps over these past five years and we’ve had a few disjointed moments. However, we got through those times. Most importantly, we’ve grown and I truly believe that we have gotten better. And listen, we’re still learning! Learning things about each other, about marriage, and doing life together. It’s funny, I spoke to a gentleman that’s been married to his wife for 35 years and he told me the learning never stops.
As far as my marriage journey, I’ve picked up a few things that I’ve learned so far. In fact, I have 10 things that my 5 years of marriage have taught me. Let’s jump right in!
#1. What they say about communication is very true!
Communication is key. It’s key in any relationship, but it’s 10x true in marriage. If you’re in it for the long haul and want to cut down on as many miscommunication moments as possible, be open with your spouse and talk to each other. Life is short but longer than you think. Doing life with someone, living with them, building a family, growing old with each other, these things are easier when the parties involved are on the same page. Heck, it’s even better if it’s at least the same chapter! But that happens best when there’s communication.
#2. Choose your battles
This is another very true idiom and one that I’ve come to live by. On this list of many things that will come up, one thing that will come up several times is disagreement. Not all disagreements are terrible and life-altering. Having a disagreement about which one of the Deadpool movies was the best when it’s obvious that it’s clearly the first one, will not break your marriage (at least it shouldn’t). There are going to be ups and downs, just like in any relationship. We’ve had disagreements but I’ve realized that I don’t have to be right all the time nor do I need to prove (argue) my point. It’s okay to just let a situation die. Which segues into number 3.
#3. It’s okay to disagree
I’m not talking about fighting here. And there is something to be said about that also. I’m talking about not having the same feelings about something, not seeing eye to eye on everything. What’s more important is being able to talk through things and to be understanding and accepting of your differences
#4. Make support your number one priority
Understand that this doesn’t mean saying yes to everything! This is about being there. Talking things out. Working through aspirations and dreams. Pitching in around the house. Being a safe place for each other. Truly, one of you might be better at this than the other but this is an effort thing. I want my wife to know that I have her back in all things. At the same time, we have to be real with each other and we have to be willing to receive that truth. Here’s an extreme example: Let’s say I was thinking about investing $20,000 into DogeCoin right now. After sitting down with my wife and having a conversation, she would let me know that making that investment would be a horrible idea right now and would more than likely result in her kicking me out of our home. I would have to be able to receive that truth 😆.
#5. You will never fully know a person until you’ve lived with them
My wife and I did not “shack up” before we were married. I know this is one of those topics that can be split down the middle. Some like the “try before you buy” life and others, for whatever the reason is, prefer to wait until after marriage to move in with each other. That’s the route we took. Let me tell you, I do not regret it at all but man, what a process! For both of us. From me being a push the toothpaste from the bottom person to her not closing cabinets after opening them, we had to learn each other and figure out how to live together.
Alright. just as a warning for some, these next few might turn a few people off. However, this is what I believe. I believe that it was God who set my marriage up. And because I truly believe that, I believe that God must be a part of it.
#7. Pray with each other
I believe in covering my wife with prayer. Most days I’m out of the house a couple of hours before she is so in the mornings I pray for her. In the evenings, while in bed, we pray with each other. We’ll even do a short devotion together before we go to sleep. Having a mental, physical, and spiritual connection with your spouse will only make your marriage stronger. Scouts honor!
#8. Make time to connect.
Put the phone down! Seriously. And that’s weird coming from me because, In a way, you can say that I make a living from people using their phones. Kinda. You need time to connect with each other. My personal philosophy is that as many levels as there are to connect with a person, you should make an effort to connect with all of them with your spouse. That might not happen but try. The deeper the connection the stronger the bond.
#9. Be patient with each other and give some grace, to each other and yourselves
Remember, you are both human. You’re not always going to be on the same page and that’s okay. Now I know that seems to be a complete contradiction to #1, but keep reading. Remember, this is going to be a lifelong learning session and there might be a few times that the both of you may have to wait for the other to “catch up”. If that does happen remember to give a little grace and continue to communicate and be supportive. Just as long as it’s not detrimental to your relationship. If one of you wants to go out to the club and by the bar when the kids need help with their homework, you guys might have to push that ‘catch up” time frame up just a tad.
#10. Learn each other’s love language.
I have become a firm believer in understanding the way people communicate and respond. And after reading “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman, my belief strengthened. If you feel absolutely clueless about trying to understand your spouse, this book can be a great start. I’m a quality time/physical touch type of guy! My wife is more words of affirmation. All I need to do is make sure I’m letting her know how amazing she is and that she totally rocks and I’m, at the very least, going in the right direction. This can take some work and dedication but I can tell you, it will be very much worth it!
Marriage is a beautiful and wonderful thing, but it takes work. It also takes a lot of dedication. You’re going to get out what you put in. If you want to have a strong and lasting marriage, then be prepared to invest time, energy, and effort into it. And don’t forget to have some fun too! I can’t wait to see what the next five years hold. I’ll keep you posted!
Do you have any tips for a strong marriage? Let me know in the comments below.
